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| Eric Cantor explains the GOP's latest plan to avoid a government shutdown. |
by Roger Kerson, InsanelyGrating.com
WASHINGTON DC, Sept. 28th -- Maneuvering
to avoid a government shutdown and a default on the nation’s debt, House
Republican leaders unveiled a new demand today.
The president’s signature Obamacare health insurance plan, they said,
must be turned over to Russian President Vladimir Putin for “international
supervision.”
“No less than Syria’s chemical weapons, Obamacare
is a grave threat to every man, woman and child in America,” said House Speak
John Boehner (R-OH), speaking at a hastily called Capitol Hill news conference.
“The only safe thing to do, when you think about it, is to turn the whole kit-and-kaboodle
over to another country so we can get it as far away from us as possible.”
House Republicans approached Putin, said
Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA.), “because when it comes to dismantling national health insurance, the Russians are more
experienced than anybody else on the block.”
Cantor cited the sharp drop in life
expectancy – a six-year shorter life for men, three years for women – that took
place in Russia between 1990 and 1994, following the collapse of the former
Soviet Union. “That’s exactly the kind
of ‘put-em-inside-the-box’ thinking we need to balance our budget and save
Social Security without raising taxes,” he said.
No "damn panels": Turning the yet-to-be implemented U.S.
health care reforms over to Russia, Cantor insisted, will not include the so-called
“death panels” that are among the most controversial (and non-existent) features of Obamacare.
“We expect plenty of deaths,” said
Cantor, “but we’re not going to have any damn panels.”
President Obama, Cantor said, “is so
committed to big government, he can’t even bomb the living daylights out of a
two-bit Arab despot without convening a bunch of committees.” By contrast, he said, “Republicans and the Russian Federation agree that a free-market approach is best.”
“If you take away people’s medicine and
their ability to go to the doctor, they don’t live as long,” said Cantor. “It’s
as simple as that – and no government bureaucrat ever has to lift a finger.”
The GOP House leaders refused to confirm
or deny, meanwhile, that they were in secret talks with former NBA star Dennis
Rodman to outsource America’s Social Security program to North Korean President
Kim Jong-Un.
“At this stage, all we can say is that nothing
is off the table,” said Boehner, who has struggled to maintain his world-class
suntan during this latest budget crisis.
Roger Kerson is a Michigan-based media consultant. The opinions expressed here are his own, as are some of the facts.
