GOP’s new demand: Turn ObamaCare over to Putin for “International Supervision”

Eric Cantor explains the GOP's latest plan to avoid a government shutdown. 

by Roger Kerson, InsanelyGrating.com

WASHINGTON DC, Sept. 28^th -- Maneuvering to avoid a government shutdown and a default on the nation’s debt, House Republican leaders unveiled a new demand today.  The president’s signature Obamacare health insurance plan, they said, must be turned over to Russian President Vladimir Putin for “international supervision.”

“No less than Syria’s chemical weapons, Obamacare is a grave threat to every man, woman and child in America,” said House Speak John Boehner (R-OH), speaking at a hastily called Capitol Hill news conference. “The only safe thing to do, when you think about it, is to turn the whole kit-and-kaboodle over to another country so we can get it as far away from us as possible.”

House Republicans approached Putin, said Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA.), “because when it comes to dismantling national health insurance, the Russians are more experienced than anybody else on the block.”

Cantor cited the sharp drop in life expectancy – a six-year shorter life for men, three years for women – that took place in Russia between 1990 and 1994, following the collapse of the former Soviet Union. “That’s exactly the kind of ‘put-em-inside-the-box’ thinking we need to balance our budget and save Social Security without raising taxes,” he said.

No "damn panels": Turning the yet-to-be implemented U.S. health care reforms over to Russia, Cantor insisted, will not include the so-called “death panels” that are among the most controversial (and non-existent) features of Obamacare.

“We expect plenty of deaths,” said Cantor, “but we’re not going to have any damn panels.” 

President Obama, Cantor said, “is so committed to big government, he can’t even bomb the living daylights out of a two-bit Arab despot without convening a bunch of committees.” By contrast, he said, “Republicans and the Russian Federation agree that a free-market approach is best.”

“If you take away people’s medicine and their ability to go to the doctor, they don’t live as long,” said Cantor. “It’s as simple as that – and no government bureaucrat ever has to lift a finger.”

The GOP House leaders refused to confirm or deny, meanwhile, that they were in secret talks with former NBA star Dennis Rodman to outsource America’s Social Security program to North Korean President Kim Jong-Un.

“At this stage, all we can say is that nothing is off the table,” said Boehner, who has struggled to maintain his world-class suntan during this latest budget crisis. 

Roger Kerson is a Michigan-based media consultant.  The opinions expressed here are his own, as are some of the facts.